Tag Archives: santorum

One Last Look Back

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By Jay Hansen

With the election coming to a close in just a couple of days, I wanted to look back over one last time at some of its greatest moments. I seem to remember it slightly differently than some people, and I’ll admit, I may have exaggerated a sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight bit here and there, but nonetheless, a stroll down memory lane is always fun.

 

 

February 7th, 2008 – Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney loses the 2008 Republican primary

 

 

 

February 8th, 2008 – Romney starts campaigning for 2012 Republican primary

 

 

 

 

November 4th, 2008 – Obama wins general election

 

 

 

Then nothing happens for a long time

April 11th, 2011 – Romney creates a Presidential exploratory committee to determine if he should either run for President or run for President

 

April 21st, 2011 – Former New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson announces his candidacy for the Republican nomination, but no one cares

 

 

May 1st, 2011 – Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich creates Presidential exploratory committee, America laughs

 

 

 

Early May, 2011 – Donald Trump peaks in the polls as potential candidate for the Republican nomination. Americans stop laughing and start to cry

 

 

May 11th, 2011 – Gingrich announces his candidacy, Americans collectively go “wait… seriously?”

 

 

 

Gingrich’s Greatest Hits:

 

May 13th, 2011 – Ron Paul announces his candidacy. Also Robert Pattinson’s birthday, who unfortunately got significantly more media attention.

 

 

 

May 21st, 2011 – Former CEO of Godfather Pizza Herman Cain announces his candidacy, promises to deliver economic recovery in 30 days or less or the next war is “free.”

 

 

 

Cain’s Greatest Hits

 

 

June 2nd, 2011 – Romney announces candidacy for approximately the twenty-eighth time

 

 

Romney’s Greatest Hits

 

 

June 6th, 2011 – Former Senator Rick Santorum announces his candidacy, God facepalms

 

 

Santorum’s Greatest Hits

 

 

June 13th, 2011 – Congresswoman Michelle Bachman’s announces her candidacy, media hit so hard with a tsunami of batshit fact-checkers literally had to limit how much time they’d spend devoted to correcting her.

 

 

 Bachman’s Greatest Hits

 

June 14th, 2011 – Americans across the country are confused when they see Mitt Romney formally announce his candidacy for a second time only to find out it’s just Former Utah Governor Jon Huntsman

 

 

 

August 13th, 2011 – Governor Rick Perry announces his candidacy as Americans everywhere ask “didn’t Texas outlaw cloning along with evolution, climate science, and other such black magic?”

 

Perry’s Greatest Hits

 

August 14th, 2011 – Tim Pawlenty drops out of primary race on orders of the US government as he risked actually boring large portions of the US population to death

 

 

 

September 1st, 2011 – With no strong front runner, Jesus Christ returns to run on the GOP ticket on the slogan “UR DOIN IT WRONG”

 

 

September 20th, 2011 – Gingrich claims to have read Jesus’ book, and found some “questionable material,” such as feeding the poor and healing the sick, telling Americans, “I don’t know about you but that sounds like Socialism to me!”

September 21st, 2011 – Jesus responds to Gingrich by reminding him that we should love all human beings. His poll numbers among Republican voters plummet.

 

December 3rd, 2011 – Cain drops out of the primary race after it’s uncovered that he’s the black pizza boy in every cheap porno ever made ’cause he’s cheated on his wife with half of America

 

 

(2011) May 5th, June 13th, August 11th, September 5th, September 7th, September 12th, September 22nd, October 11th, October 18th, November 5th, November 9th, November 12th, November 19th, November 22nd, December 3rd, December 10th, December 12th, December 15th (2012) January 7th, January 8th, January 14th, January 16th, January 19th, January 23rd, January 26th, February 22nd, and March 3rd – Republican Primary Debates. Throughout the debates, Republican voters in the audience cheer horrible things such as mass numbers of executions, letting the uninsured die, marital infidelity, and booed things such as friendship and the golden rule. Obama laughs and laughs and laughs.

December 15th, 2011 Jesus was booed off stage of a debate and beaten in the parking lot behind the auditorium by a Republican debate attendee for being an “immoral, Godless liberal,” forcing him to drop out of the race.

December 28th, 2011 – Johnson comes to his fucking senses and leaves Republican Party to accept Libertarian Party nomination

January 3rd, 2012 – Iowa caucuses. The “musical chairs” effect that had led to each and every major candidate leading in the polls at some point in the past three months finally stops on Rick Santorum, tying with Romney for victory in Iowa. Ron Paul comes in third, building his own damn chair and sitting next to Santorum. Gingrich sits on the floor next to all of them, claiming he is sitting in a chair and throwing bits of trash at the other candidates.

January 4th, 2012 – Bachmann and Perry announce suspension of their campaigns. Fact-checkers around the nation rejoice with headlines “THE WAR IS OVER.” Furthermore, scientists report slight change in earth’s orbit caused by such a dramatic shift of so much bullshit leaving the public arena at once. With these candidates out, there were only four major candidates left; Newt, Mitt, Rick, and Ron, leaving Americans contemplating the irony of the Republican candidate list sounding like the credits roll to an all-male porno.

 

January 9th, 2012 – Casino mogul Sheldon Adeleson is unable to find match to light fire to $5 million, so he donates it to Newt Gingrich

 

 

 

January 12th, 2012 – Stephen Colbert announces his candidacy for the Republican nomination for President if only to rip on Mitt Romney and scare Jon Huntsman out of the race

 

 

January 15th, 2012 – Jon Huntsman drops out of the race because he’s actually polling behind Stephen Colbert in South Carolina and feared being remembered as “the guy that lost to a comedian.” Colbert can now go home happy.

January 21st, 2012 – In a startling upset, Sheldon Adeleson wins the South Carolina primary

April 10th, 2012 - Santorum drops out of the race, meaning Romney is guaranteed to be the candidate. Also in the news; birds fly and fish swim.

 

 

June through October, 2012 – Hell freezes over and the Democrats and Obama actually lead a really aggressive campaign against Romney.

 

 

July 3rd, 2012 – Republican Congressman Joe Walsh accuses his Democratic opponent Lt. Colonel Tammy Duckworth of not being a “true hero” despite losing both her legs during military combat in Iraq. Walsh initially became famous after it was revealed he was a deadbeat dad that refused to pay $117,000 in backed child support on the grounds that he “had no money” despite his massive salary as a Congressman. This really isn’t related to the Presidential race, but I had to just remind everyone that Joe Walsh is a scumbag, and worthy of the “biggest scumbag of this election cycle” award.

***

 

August 11th, 2012 - Romney announces Congressman Paul Ryan as his running mate on the 2012 Republican ticket. Ryan claims to worship both Ayn Rand and Jesus Christ, can run a marathon in under three hours, can bench press 400 lbs., volunteers and soup kitchens eight days a week, rides a unicorn to work, personally saved over a dozen babies from a burning building, and fucked your mom.

 

 

August 24th, 2012 – Sources emerge saying that David Koch offers $100 million to Mitt Romney to put Paul Ryan on ticket as Vice President. When asked about it, David said he found some spare change in his couch and thought “what the hell, I’ll buy the American government.” He goes on to say, “You know how it is; it was an impulse buy, like something right next to the register. You peasants call it candy I think.”

 

August 27th, 2012 – Republican National Convention, Greatest Hits

 September 4th, 2012 – Democratic National Convention, Greatest Hits

September 17th, 2012 – Obama was crushing in the polls so much the campaign got horribly boring, so Bob Woodward revealed to the media that Obama is a conservative, as his policies have indicated. America doesn’t notice, though.

October 2nd, 2012 – Mitt Romney beams back to planet Kolob for re-programming and re-fueling prior to the first debate. Barack Obama is nearly guilted into unconsciousness by his wife for planning the first debate on their anniversary.

October 3rd, 2012 – First Presidential Debate. Millions of Americans call 911 in confusion of what’s going on, assuming the worst because all they saw on stage was the President unconscious and a mysterious, unknown man standing over him that shared some physical resemblance to Mitt Romney but sounded nothing like him. On top of that, an old man only sat there and watched as it happened.

 

October 11th, 2012 – Vice Presidential Debate. Again, 911 is flooded with phone calls about an elderly man beating a child on live television.

 

 

October 15th, 2012 – Mitt Romney beams back to Kolob once again for re-programming and re-fueling prior to the second debate, but…

The Doctor arrives on Kolob just in time and foils the Mormoneites plans to conquer Earth by placing their robot slave as President of the United States. Romney is forced to flee and beam back to Earth without proper programming or enough fuel to last through the end of the campaign.

October 16th, 2012 – Second Presidential Debate. Romney clunks and stumbles along with improper programming, leading to several blunders and mistakes. We also discover that Obama wasn’t sleeping in the first debate; he was just resting up.

 

October 22nd, 2012 – Third Presidential Debate. Romney-bot’s energy was virtually depleted at this point as his ability to return to Kolob for re-fueling had been destroyed by the Doctor, forcing him to just submissively agree to everything the President said. We further learn that Obama wasn’t just resting up in the first debate; he was in a meditative state, channeling the world’s most powerful mana burn spell to unleash upon Mitt “Wizard” Romney, leaving him helpless in the last debate, allowing Obama to beat him to death with his own empty mana bar in one of the most spectacular political beat downs in a long itme. But alas, it was the third debate, so no one cared.

November 5th, 2012 – Both of the candidate just say “fuck it” and choose to decide the election with a Pokemon battle.

Obama’s Team:

“You have an Arceus… why are you using a Dunsparce?!?!”

Romney’s team:

November 7th, 2012 – Media results pour in for the election / pokemon battle.

FOX Headline:

“Romney comes in second, Obama CHEATS with legendaries.”

CNN Headline:

“Obama wins popular, electoral vote in landslide.
IT’S A TIE!”

 

December 3rd, 2012 – Ron Paul finally admits that his chances of winning the Republican nomination are “pretty darn slim.” Better luck next time, Dr. Paul!

 

So with all of that said, don’t forget to vote this Tuesday. I’m gearing up for a long couple of days, starting with SNL’s last election skits of the year tonight, gathering the last of the election information with a sample ballot on Monday to share with you all, and staying up late on Tuesday for the results!

DUR-cision 2012: Gonna’ be a hard one

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By CLUELESS UNDECIDED VOTER
internet memes - Yo Dawg, I heard you like America
With Santorum dropping out of the race, and Gingrich so bankrupt his filing-fee checks are bouncing, it’s all but official that Mitt Romney is going to be the official Republican candidate in 2012. As a clueless undecided voter, I can say this election is going to be a hard one for me, but not for good reasons.

First of all, I never thought I would have to actually say this, but I have a strict no-voting-for-animal-abusers rule. Have you heard about this? It ain’t a rumor you know. Mitt Romney once put his dog in a carrier, tied it down to the roof of his car, and drove down the highway for 12 hours with the dog stuck inside. Romney said that to prevent him from getting bombarded with the wind, flies, trash, and other debris he made the carrier “air tight.” Well, I certainly hope not, or the dog would have died! The dog even had to use the bathroom while it was in the carrier for hours, and it leaked out all over the car, so we know it wasn’t “air tight” because stuff got out of it. The dog was an Irish setter, meaning it had long, dangly hair. Trust me, from first hand experience, if an Irish setter gets poop in its fur, you ain’t getting it out without professional help.

But the tragedy continues. Eventually Romney and his family pull over, and simply spray down the carrier, and the dog, with a water hose. They then load him back up, likely still soaking wet, and go back on the highway. This alone is an instant disqualification for me, or any moderately humane person of any level of education or knowledge of politics. I love my dogs. They’re called man’s best friend for a reason. Apparently Romney’s a machine or made of plastic or something, because dogs certainly don’t like him, and visa versa. There is already a Super “Pack” called I Ride Inside, organized by Dogs Against Romney, and I can tell him not only does my dog ride inside, but most of the time Dog is my co-pilot!

My religious pun brings me to my next observation of Romney. In actuality, I must tip my hat to the Republican Party on this one. In all my life never did I think I would live to see this Republican Party in majorities nominate a non-Christian candidate for the Presidency. Sure, Mormonism isn’t too far gone from Christianity, much like Islam, but most religious scholars don’t seem to be of the opinion that it is Christianity at all. Now I’m no theologian, but if I recall one of the main rules to be considered a Christian is that one must believe in the trinity of Father, Son, and Holy Ghost as one God. One must believe that Jesus and the Holy Ghost, for lack of a better term, are just different “forms” God takes to be on Earth. Mormons do not believe in the trinity. Therefore, by textbook definition of Christian, Mormons are not Christian. Mitt Romney is a Mormon, therefore, Mitt Romney is not a Christian.

I don’t want to say this is a deal breaker for me, but Mormonism is just creepy. Romney’s trying to play coy with the religious question whenever possible to avoid a firestorm from the overwhelming Christian base of his party, but he can’t play both sides forever. Then again, he’s been doing a pretty good job of that in the political field for decades. Let’s not forget he’s the etch-a-sketch candidate, meaning when the general election gets here he, in the words of Romney’s own Communications Director Eric Fehrnstrom, “it’s kind of like an etch-a-sketch, you know, because you can erase everything and start all over once the general election campaigning starts up.” So, in other words, Romney’s own campaign has admitted that everything they’ve said in the primary is a lie. I have no idea who this guy really is, then. He was a downright liberal when he was running in Massachusetts, when he was pro-choice and not only defended, but helped with fundraising for Planned Parenthood. Now he condemns Roe vs. Wade, the Supreme Court case legalizing abortion, as “one of the darkest moments in Supreme Court history,” vows eliminate Planned Parenthood, and supports the Personhood Movements across the nation to outlaw all abortion, the birth control pill, and greatly endanger if not outlaw in vitro fertilization. What on Earth kind of candidate are we going to get when his etch-a-sketch gets shaken up again later this year? I have no idea any more.

Given that, and the old axiom of stick with the devil you know, I’m already starting to sway into camp Obama. At least Obama tries to be a Christian, whereas Romney is rather blunt about not being one at all. That’s the choice as I personally see it this year; a non-Christian American or a foreigner that’s likely a Christian, and damn that’s a hard one. You know what would make all this a lot easier though? All he has to do is show us the hard paperwork proof, and we’ll stop doubting him! So I demand to see Mitt Romney’s baptismal certificate! If he’d just do it and get it over with a lot of my fear about him would be absolved, but he’s never going to do that because he’s a Mormon and I know he’s a Mormon so there’s nothing he can do to change my mind about that.

… wait, I think I got my talking points mixed there.

Regardless, I’ve got some thinking to do. Hopefully I won’t hurt myself.

Musings on the Republican Primary 5

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By Jay Hansen

First and foremost, allow me to sincerely apologize for the lack of updates on my website this week. Work has been absolutely murderous; I’ve only just now gotten off a 14 hour shift, but insist on uploading at least one article this week. I’m very sorry if there are no further updates this week. I would encourage all of you to check ThinkProgress and The Young Turk’s youtube channel for this week’s best stories. Thank you for reading, and for your patience.

It’s been a long time since I’ve weighed in my two cents on the Republican primary. A lot has developed since the Iowa caucuses, but I think we may finally be soon reaching a possible conclusion. What I have to say may shock you, but first, let’s start with the obvious.

Ron Paul

You tried man, you really did, and you certainly did better than in 2008, but let’s face it, it’s time to pack up and go home. I was rooting for Dr. Paul, I really was. He was the only one of the Republican candidates that even had the slightest chance of winning my vote because of his strong, principled stances on civil liberties, the war on drugs, foreign interventionalism, and select others. What’s saddest about Paul’s loss, though, is that I think he was genuinely the most likely of these four candidates to defeat Obama. Many of you may remember me saying some time ago that Paul had almost no chance of beating Obama because he was so flagrant with his ultimate, highly unpopular political goals. Now, I think he’s the most likely to beat Obama not because his odds have necessarily improved much, but mostly because the odds of any of his three opponents left have gone down so drastically. So it’s not that he’s gotten better; his opponents have only gotten so much worse. Think about it this way; Paul is rather inarguably the only candidate that could have pulled away some of Obama’s support, especially among young voters, because Obama’s defenders are quite fervent (even if not out of support of Obama, but rather great disdain for his opponents, given how radical they are). Romney is fake, Gingrich is loathsome, Santorum is outlandishly religious, and all three of them are the definition of polarizing candidates. Plus, young voters are very idealistic and protective of their civil liberties, which is possibly Ron Paul’s biggest issue. Most importantly, Paul is a very strong candidate. When he says he’s going to do something, he’s doing it, even if he has to blow up the entire government (figuratively) to get it done. When Obama says he wants to do something, I’d go as far to say a majority of the time he doesn’t, whether it’s because he can’t get it done or that he just flat-out doesn’t try. On top of that, Obama is now developing an even worse track record on civil liberties than the Bush administration. To many Americans, this is their number one issue, especially among Democratic voters. Paul’s strength alone would be enough to pull support out from under Obama’s campaign into his own. Add to this the fact that Republican voters are much more likely to vote for a candidate based on party affiliation (because someone has an R next to their name instead of a D) than Democrats means that a lot of these Republicans claiming they “would never” vote for Ron Paul, or that just generally dislike him, are largely blowing smoke. They’d still vote for him over Obama any day, giving Paul a unique advantage of having actual bipartisan, non-polarized support.

It’s a real shame that he’s going to lose the primary. That would have been a fascinating general election.

Mitt Romney

Romney’s doing the best thus far in the race, but to say he’s unstoppable is fairly naive. As of a week ago, he had amassed 53% of the delegates, but he’s only won 38% of the popular vote. That means 62% of Republicans do not want Romney. Granted, I wouldn’t really expect a landslide majority in a primary with as many candidates as this one has had, but 38% still seems low. On top of that, let’s not forget that the harder he tries to secure the social conservative vote that continues to elude him, the more he alienates independent voters. When Romney campaigned in Florida, he fought an extremely dirty campaign with virtually nothing but attack ads in an attempt to bring down his far more social conservative opponents. While it secured him the victory there, it cost him, because around the same time polls started showing a massive dip in Romney’s popularity among independents; a crowd he does not have to win over to secure the primary, but one he does to win the general election. This is the classic problem for all politicians running in primaries; they have to run away from the center, which can make the majority of voters in the general election squeamish, and in turn, makes the general election harder. With Newt Gingrich wanting to decimate the judicial branch, Rick Santorum literally wanting to establish a theocracy, and both of them waging war against women, birth control, and (for Santorum at least) even pornography, it’s impossible for Romney’s social conservative credentials to keep up with them while at the same time maintaining any shred of sanity, or for that matter, hope of winning the general election. Worse yet though, is that even his efforts to appear more socially conservative are turning around to bite him in the butt, because it only goes to show Romney as more of a politician and poll-chaser, meaning he’ll do and say whatever is necessary to win. While that may be true to a degree for all politicians, Romney by far does the worst job I’ve ever seen at pretending otherwise. This is why people view him as a disdainful, greasy politician, and not someone who genuinely wants to make America better for everyone. Let’s not even go too much into detail of how disconnected he is from a vast majority of society as a member of the 1%. There are way too many individual stories about Romney, a man worth at least a quarter of a billion dollars, trying to relate to the every man by telling everyone that he counts as a sports fan because his friends own sports teams, that he considers corporations people, that he’s horribly mistreated his family dog, that he doesn’t care about the poor, that his wife, who doesn’t consider herself or her family rich, drives a couple of Cadillacs, and many others. This list from the guys over at MAD magazine makes the disturbingly apt analogy in the style of a matching game between quotes from Mitt Romney and those from Mr. Burns from The Simpsons, and pretty much communicates this point well enough.

Romney may still stand a very good chance at winning the primary, but in doing so he’ll end his chances of winning the general election, ironically, no matter how hard he may try to run back to the center upon winning.

“Not concerned about the poor? Get rid of Planned Parenthood? Did I say that? No, not me! I’m good-old centrist Mitt!”

But that’s still not even Romney’s most immediate concern; the end of the primary and the inevitable rush back to the center is centuries away in political years. While he may still be on a winning streak after taking Illinois last night, there’s one big threat still in the game that could shake the very foundations of the Republican Party.

The Gingrich – Santorum Paradigm

First of all, Gingrich’s chances of winning the general election were higher than most people thought. I mean, for starters, just look at how aggressive he has been even in the face of impossible odds in the primary, despite massive pressure to stop. Plus, in the general election, he could whip out a bunch of his old-school experience and bipartisanship. Keep in mind that he was the Speaker of the House that managed to balance the budget working with the Clinton administration. In today’s political atmosphere, that could score some points. Of course, he’s still so slimy that if he got any slimier you could kill him with a box of salt (Bill Maher joke, not mine), which would definitely impede his efforts, to say the least. Plus, it’s just damn sad that this primary’s candidates are just so pitiful that Newt Gingrich was among the most likely, or rather least unlikely, to win in the general election.

None of that matters at this point though, because after his losses in the South Gingrich is out. He’s officially in the same camp as Ron Paul now; thanks for playing, you will receive your consolation gifts at the door, so get out before you embarrass yourself any further. At this point all Gingrich is doing is helping Romney, because he’s leeching votes away from Santorum. If he was smart, he’d strike some sort of deal with Romney, be it for cash or an administration position, to stay in the game and keep grinding Santorum into the ground. Of course, that’s if he was smart. If he was smarter, and in the mood to be striking deals (and it’s Gingrich, so of course he is), he should strike one with Santorum, which is why I named this section what I did. Romney is likely too overconfident and would never accept a deal from such a loser like Gingrich, even to give him an extremely low administrative position, after all that he’s said and done to Romney throughout the campaign. Santorum, on the other hand, has everything to gain, and Gingrich could easily milk more from him than he ever could appealing to Romney, which leads me to my biggest, boldest prediction yet about this primary:

If Gingrich drops out of the race, Santorum will win the nomination.*

Note the asterisk. I put it in there because obviously it depends on when Gingrich drops out. He’s obviously not winning, so it’s just a matter of time. If he hangs in there until convention time, then it’s not likely Santorum will win given Romney’s massive delegate lead. I’m not a math wiz, nor could I even tell you which primaries happen when in what order and how many delegates go to those who win what percentage of the votes in which states blah-biddy-blah-biddy-blah… But, if Gingrich drops out before some of the bigger states like California or New York, to name a couple, the social conservative and anti-Romney title will no longer be challenged. A majority of Gingrich’s support would almost certainly flock to Santorum, and the anti-Romney crowd that only cast their votes to oppose Romney would have their choices considerably narrowed, with their serious choices down to just a single candidate (Santorum).

Hey, I’ve been wrong before. If you recall, I said Santorum was out months ago, calling him “laughably illegitimate” because he’s so radically right-wing on social issues. That’s why it’s just so pitifully sad that he’s actually within realistic reaching distance of the nomination now, and worse, that he’s the only one left standing against Romney. What does that say about the state of the Republican Party as a whole, when their two absolute best men to represent the different sub-factions of their party are Romney and Santorum?

But of course, Santorum and Gingrich would have to cut the deal first. Newt is way too proud to admit defeat in most situations, but I think even he is beginning to realize what kind of trouble he’s gotten himself into. Santorum, on the other hand hardly seems too proud, or intelligent, to strike a deal with Gingrich something along the lines of Gingrich agreeing to drop out of the race in exchange for a spot on the ticket as Vice President. Could you imagine that? Santorum Gingrich 2012? I’m fairly certain that would literally be the worst presidential ticket in United States history, the two are so extreme and loathsome, which is why I don’t think Santorum is intelligent enough to not make that deal. Even if he is smart enough to realize the disaster that ticket would be, in order to get the deal he’d still likely offer Gingrich a cabinet position, such as Secretary of State (which just scares me). Maybe he can be Secretary of Moon Colonization?

But realistically, who could be Santorum’s VP pick? I’ve been thinking about this more and more lately, and hope to soon write an article over it, and I’m somewhat stumped on Santorum. He’s not as savvy as Romney, who would play politics and balance the ticket as well as possible ethnically, such as with Senator Marco Rubio (pretty much the nation’s only Latino Republican), or ideologically with a hard-right wing conservative with unquestionable credentials like Senators Rand Paul or Jim DeMint. Santorum, on the other hand, seems like a principle-narcissist, meaning he’s so obsessed with his ideology he might actually be dumb enough to pick someone just like him, such as Newt Gingrich, or worse. His biggest Achilles’ heel image wise in this nation may actually be with female voters, which is saying a lot given his image among Latino and other ethnic minority voters. His stances on issues like opposing birth control and insinuating women who want it are sexually promiscuous whores, opposing women working outside of the home, and medical claims of abortion being needed to save a woman’s life, no matter how rare or doctor-mandated, are “phony,” among many others, disenfranchise a massive group in America that isn’t even a minority. Given that, a woman pick would be good to balance the ticket, but in all honesty, what woman, even Republican woman, would choose run with Rick Santorum? What woman would be so much of a sell out to support these ideologies when even female Republican politicians are railing against their own party establishment, something not tolerated in the Republican Party, to oppose them?

Oh I swear to God… You know what? Never mind. Not even he could be that dumb.

The most fascinating part of all this, though, is that Gingrich might not need to make this deal. If he and Santorum together can accumulate enough delegates by time the Republican National Convention rolls around, we could see something fascinating and really historic. Apparently, it’s called a contested convention. I really don’t know much about them as it’s such a rare occurrence, but Cenk Uygur of The Young Turks proposed that it would be possible, if Gingrich and Santorum had a combined total of delegates that rivaled or beat Romney they could decide to team up during the convention on a Santorum-Gingrich ticket and take it from Romney at the last second. Is that allowed? I honestly don’t know, nor could I even imagine how the nation would take it. If it came down to this option, the party would likely be in such shambles and so weak politically Obama will have gotten his wish, which is to drive them so far to the right by agreeing with everything they say they are forced off the deep end and voters have no choice but to vote for the only candidate that’s mildly sane… conservative, but sane.

The only other option is that Romney takes the nomination, and like I pointed out, he’s only secured 38% of the popular vote in his own Party, and the Obama administration has been gearing up since day one of their campaign to go up against Romney. I won’t go back into all the details I just talked about above as to why he would lose in a general election, but suffice to say Romney could get clobbered easily in the general election.

Then again, leave it up to the Democrats to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Plus, with mind-boggling, downright disturbing amounts of Super PAC money and donations from the ultra wealthy of this nation already flooding the election in record levels before even ending the primary, once all that money gets focused at Obama, he’d better have his fighting gloves on and ready to go. The question that would remain in this situation is an important one that could shape the future of America and all modern democracies. Which is mightier for shaping public opinion; big, wealthy donor money, or overt disdain and disregard for the lower classes and majority of one’s voting constituency?

Man, I knew this was going to be a big, historic election season, but I had no idea how historic.

30 Reasons Why Not to Vote for Rick Santorum

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By Jay Hansen
Happy Leap Day everyone! I love Leap Day!

I’m really disgusted by the fact that Santorum is still in the race, let alone the fact that he is now leading the pack, with some national polls showing him ahead by as many as eight points. At the very least, he’s neck-in-neck with Romney now, and the two have started bashing each other to pieces. Romney was sleazy, haughty, and corrupt, which annoyed me, Perry was mad, stupid, and corrupt, which scared me, Gingrich was megalomaniactic, arrogant, and oh yeah, corrupt, which disgusted me, but Santorum is something else. The fact that he’s leading in the polls makes me feel all these same feelings I experienced for these past three front runners, except also experience them towards the actual Republican voters that keep handing more and more victories to Santorum, who has now won four out of eleven states (Minnesota, Colorado, Missouri, and Iowa). If the Republican candidates were gastrointestinal processes (which isn’t that far of a stretch), Santorum would be the silent-but-deadly fart. You never hear or see it coming, but when you realize what’s happened it’s too late, and you’re stuck with a horrible stench in the air that no one can get out of their noses, no matter how much odor-killer Mitt may spray. Yeah, that’s how I think of Rick Santorum (which I feel is quite apt given the definition of his name).

The fact that Santorum is being taken seriously, even among Republican voters, is indescribably woeful. You thought I had little hope for the party before he came along? You have no idea how far, radically right-wing Santorum is. Because of his silent-but-deadly nature, I’ve finally been compelled to make a list of reasons as to why Santorum is a horrible candidate. At long last he reaches the honorary levels of gruesomeness and despicability that Newt Gingrich, Rick Perry, and Congressman James Lankford have reached on my website already. Like my Gingrich list, it started as just 10, but quickly and immediately ballooned up to 30 – not as lengthy as Gingrich’s, but hey, Santorum isn’t competing for Biggest Douche in the Universe like Gingrich is (but, then again…)

So here it is, from the most benign to the most heinous, 30 Reasons Why Not to Vote for Rick Santorum.

Rick Santorum…

  1. Defines “Washington Insider,” and has been described as a “stealth lobbyist” because of all the work he does for, and money he gets from, lobbying and corporate donors. Santorum himself ran the K Street Project, which was a project wherein Republicans decided to make demands of lobbyists and corporate donors upon gaining control of Congress. It was the K Street Project, as led by Santorum, that paved the way for infamous lobbyist Jack Abramoff and many others to gain such political influence, and is to blame for such drastically higher levels of political corruption in the past decade or so compared to that of the 1990s. And we all have Senator Santorum to thank for that. Thanks Rick.
  2. Created a tax plan that will increase the deficit by $1.3 trillion, giving on average $448,000 in tax cuts to each and every millionaire in the country. The upper 0.1% alone get an additional $1.3 million in tax cuts annually under the Santorum plan. Should I even be surprised by this any more?
  3. Supported tort reform to cap medical malpractice damages at $250,000 , only for his wife to turn around, with Rick’s full support, and sue her doctor for medical malpractice in the sum of $500,000 because of back problems, depression and weight gain supposedly brought on by her doctor. Hypocrisy? What’s that?
  4. Believes insurers should be allowed to discriminate based on pre-existing conditions, be it by charging them more or denying them coverage all together.
  5. Believes medical care is a luxury, not a right, and that it’s “a blessing” that the uninsured have to pay $200 a month for pills they need in order to live. To pay for it, Santorum says the poor should cut back on luxuries in their lives, and insinuates people complaining about the cost of health care are just selfish. Damn, and we thought Mitt Romney was a disconnected upperclassman. Speaking of which, Santorum also…
  6. Supports income inequality. No joke or exaggeration. To be fair to Rick, he was trying to use the two words in a more literal meaning. He supports those that have work harder making more money. To that, I say DUH RICK! We ALL support that. The problem in society is that our current state of income inequality as reached a point where the gap between the rich and poor is historically and disturbingly large, and unfortunately all too often the wealthy allocate more of the nation’s wealth undeservingly. Let’s not forget it’s the taxpayers that bailed out many of the same banks that are now reporting big gains and often record profits while paying out record bonuses to their CEOs. Other issues may be more visibly so, but I feel this statement goes to show the depth of Santorum’s out-of-touch mindset with the mainstream, middle and working class American family.
  7. Flip-flopped on abortion; he used to be pro-choice. Yes, dear conservatives, even your precious, perfect social conservative Rick Santorum actually used to be pro-choice. Republicans love Santorum because of his “solid” conservative principles, unlike the waffling, flip-flopper Mitt Romney, right? Well it turns out Santorum is on exactly the same page as Romney when it comes to abortion. Both of them wised up and realized there was more money in politics if you sold out as a Republican, and so they hopped on that bandwagon and switched to being pro-life entirely for political reasons. Santorum is no more a solid social conservative than the man he was meant to replace. This doesn’t mean much to me, but it illustrates a point about the Republican candidates and Party right now; even the most legitimate, principled looking ones are actually just poll-chasing politicians, and nothing more.
  8. Believes the President has authority over the Supreme Court, at least to a degree. In an interview with David Gregory on Meet the Press, Santorum was asked about the possible Supreme Court case regarding the constitutionality of Proposition 8 in California. Santorum said that if the Supreme Court ruled Proposition 8 unconstitutional, he “would seek to try and overturn it.” He goes on to talk about “judicial tyranny” reminiscent of Gingrich’s war against the judicial branch (read more about it here, points 34-41). What he said was not a direct call to abolish the authority of the courts or the courts themselves, but many conservatives (like Gingrich) are already of that persuasion. It wouldn’t be a far cry at all if we see Santorum go down that path as well, especially if he keeps talking about “judicial tyranny.”
  9. Was endorsed by Rupert Murdoch, the owner of News Corp. This one is actually more significant than most people believe. Roger Ailes is the President of FOX News, and he historically has been considered the “kingmaker” of Republicans. He has picked many of the last Republican Presidents and Presidential candidates, and already slammed Romney as someone who wouldn’t make a good President. He himself is yet to make a direct endorsement for 2012, but Rupert Murdoch is his boss. Murdoch is the kingmaker’s boss, if that gives you any idea of what his endorsement means. On top of that, Glenn Beck has also shown support for Santorum (one of the few conservatives so radical he got kicked off FOX News). This could mean Santorum is the “FOX News” candidate, which could spell for an information disaster. If he has all of FOX News, as well as the conservative media, rooting for him as the favorite, the amount of propaganda and damage they could do to an already corrupted and muddled democratic system is nightmarish.
  10. Supports torture, and ignorantly so. Allow me to elaborate. Senator McCain came out against torture, or “enhanced interrogations,” a long time ago because he himself was tortured in Vietnam. Senator Santorum, in his infinite genius, responded by saying “McCain doesn’t understand how enhanced interrogation works… You break somebody and after they’re broken, they become cooperative.” When it was pointed out to Santorum that McCain served in Vietnam and was tortured, he immediately back pedaled, but not well enough. A former McCain aide came out and responded “For pure blind stupidity, nobody beats Santorum. In my 20 years in the Senate I’ve never met a dumber member, which he reminded me of today.”
  11. Completely ignores all United States military intelligence on Iran, saying the exact opposite of the Secretary of Defense regarding Iran’s nuclear program. Santorum says Panetta is the one who is wrong, not him. Can you say cognitive dissonance? Santorum is itching for another disastrous war in the Middle East, and when you read about his religious ideology below, it’s almost certainly because he is yet another conservative that actually wants a world-ending war to happen just to fulfill his ideology. He wants the world to be destroyed just so he can be right.
  12. Completely ignores and even refutes statistical fact, even when it is forced directly in front of his face. During an interview with on CNN, Santorum claimed Obama lost jobs because (I’m using his own logic here – watch the video in the link if you don’t believe me) in December of 2010 the Obama Administration reported creating 280 million jobs with the stimulus package, but by mid 2011 the Administration forecasted that the stimulus had only created 240 million jobs, meaning there was a net gain of jobs, just a smaller one than originally predicted. So, in reality, Santorum is claiming that Obama created 240 million jobs, and therefore, cost… America… jobs? Could someone explain this logic to me? The reporter tried to explain it directly to his face, but couldn’t get through. Santorum kept claiming that Obama lost jobs even with the numbers not just right in front of his face, but coming out of his own mouth! Kudos to the interviewer by the way; that was an example of real journalism that you don’t see much of any more.
  13. Is just generally dumb. There are tons of individual “facts” Santorum has cited that are just flat-out wrong, but to give them all their own bullet point would make this list go on forever. To name a nice little lump of things he’s said that are simply wrong, Santorum claims Planned Parenthood was founded on eugenics and racism, and still practices eugenics today by placing facilities in minority areas and gearing their advertising towards minorities, which they don’t. It’s simply factually untrue. He claims abortion is to blame for Social Security failing. He claims that no society ever in the history of the world has allowed homosexual marriage, and equates homosexuality to bestiality and pedophilia. He claims the sex scandals in the Catholic Church should be blamed on the liberal media for promoting alternative lifestyles. Despite giving a speech on “foreign policy,” he didn’t have any plans for what he would do or would have done in Afghanistan or Libya if elected President, but still criticized the President for his action in Libya despite not having his own. In 2006, Santorum announced the United States had found Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq – an abject lie. He claims that radical Islam is actively attempting to enforce Sharia Law in the United States, and insinuates they are succeeding. There, enjoy some raw stupidity.
  14. Building on this theme of stupidity(and I will be for a while), Santorum praises George Bush for his foreign policy and efforts in the war on terror. In 2008, Republicans were smart enough to not even mention his name during their campaigns because he was such a disaster in popularity and policy. Now though, Santorum is embracing him.
  15. Claims we don’t need food stamps because obesity rates are so high. Again, I’m not kidding. Do I even really need to say anything here? The primary reason obesity is greater among the poor is because low quality, fatty foods are cheaper, not because they have access to too much food. Thousands of Americans have to go to bed hungry every night because they don’t have food, and for many of them food stamps and similar programs are their only means to obtain food. Santorum literally wants to take food out of the mouths of the hungry because he thinks they’re too fat. That’s awful Christian of you, Rick.
  16. Insists homosexuality is a choice, even though that’s scientifically untrue. According to the American Psychological Association, “Scientific and medical understanding is that sexual orientation is not a choice, but rather a complex interplay of biological and environmental factors” (quote from Wikipedia). This actually could have significant implications about Santorum himself, because, as I elaborate here, most people who insist homosexuality is a choice may only vehemently preach as much to convince themselves that they are “straight” when in reality they are experiencing powerful homosexual urges themselves, making them, in fact, homosexuals. What aren’t you telling us, Rick?
  17. Indicated he wants to outlaw gay sex entirely, as well as any form of sex he deems wrong because people should not have right to “sexual liberty,” and that “if ‘pursuit of happiness’ means ‘pursuit of pleasure,’ we won’t be a country very long.” Last I checked, I think sex is the one thing that 100% of Americans like (that and food), yet Santorum is the one guy now saying we don’t have a right to it. At this point, I have to remind you, Santorum is still leading in a lot of polls for the Republican nomination in 2012. So gay sex and untraditional sex are out under President Santorum.
  18. Believes all of Islam is evil. The religion of Islam only encourages violence and oppression as much as Christianity or any other religion does when taken to ridiculous extremes of fundamentalism. There are over 1.5 billion Muslims in the world today, yet when at their peak, Al Qaeda, possibly the largest Islamic terrorist organization, had no more than 1,000 members in Afghanistan, their “bastion,” as America frequently referred to it.
  19. Promotes the idea that Obama is a Muslim and continually claims the President is working with Muslims and against the United States. Santorum is essentially accusing Obama of treason, which is just about the heaviest crime imaginable, on absolute bullshit. Obama is not a Muslim. That is fact. Obama is not working with Islamic extremists. That is fact. Obama was born in America. That is fact. Now, why might Santorum be saying these things? Well, that ties me straight into my next point.
  20. Says things that strongly indicate he’s a flat-out racist. That’s a heavy charge, but given what he says about black people in the linked stories, and more importantly how he panders about Obama being a Muslim, a radical, or a foreigner is just his way of saying Obama is “different,” pouring gas on the flame of racism and hatred. Plus, keep in mind his open prejudice against homosexuals, having said that he holds right to discriminate against them. Santorum is either blindly irresponsible in his bigoted, false smears against the President in attempt to score political points among the ever-illusive racist vote, or he himself is a bigot.
  21. Believes there’s no reason women need to work to provide for their family if there is a man doing it, and worse, that the only reason a woman want to have careers is because of a “radical feminist plot.” In other words, Santorum doesn’t want women working. So far, that’s strong, outward hatred for LGBT citizens, Muslims, black people, and now women. But wait, there’s more.
  22. Refuses to make exceptions in banning all abortions for rape or if the life of the mother is in danger because he believes the claims that some women could die if they don’t get an abortion are “phony” and not real problems. I’m officially running out of commentary on this sleaze ball.
  23. Claims birth control is dangerous and responsible for detrimental problems in society. He also says that contraceptives are “not okay,” because they are “a license to do things,” referring to all of sexuality, insinuating that all forms sexuality are bad. Santorum also said states should have the right to ban birth control if they so chose, completely ignoring the court system that says otherwise. So gay sex, untraditional sex, and recreational sex are all out under President Santorum.
  24. Believes pornography is the biggest problem in America today. He put the “dangers” of pornography as his first issue on his campaign website, well ahead of taxation, the budget, economy, foreign affairs, or anything else. He wants to bring light to the “pandemic” of pornography and how it is “toxic” to society. To be fair, he quickly back-pedaled and put this point near the bottom of his list, and there is good chance it may have been a genuine editing mistake, but nonetheless, offers a brief insight into Santorum’s priorities. So, with pornography also immoral in Santorum’s world; gay sex, untraditional sex, recreational sex, and masturbation are all out under President Santorum.
  25. Believes sex and sensuality are naturally sinful and should only be used for procreation purposes within a marriage. Could somebody please tell Santorum we’re in the 21st God-damn century, and not the 17th century as he seems to believe? Oh, and if you think that’s shocking, buckle up; these last five points will blow your freaking mind.
  26. Does not believe in science. There’s just no other way to put this. He does not believe in Evolution, he believes homosexuality is a choice, and has even gone so far as to just bluntly and ignorantly state “there is no such thing as global warming,” meaning he not only denies global climate change but the inarguable scientific fact that the planet is warming up. This is the key problem with Santorum; he believes education and knowledge are wrong. Don’t believe me? Move on to the next point.
  27. Believes education and academia are Satanic, or at least are possessed by Satan. He opposes both public education and higher education like colleges and universities because they “kill religion,” and because they’re satanic. He’s even gone on to say that Obama is a “snob” for wanting every American to go to college. It does not get much lower than this, and yet, my list still has three bullets left in it. Santorum opposes education because it’s Satanic. How? He takes the bible literally, that’s how. What was the very first sin to be committed in the bible? Adam and Eve ate from the tree of KNOWLEDGE. Therefore, in Rick Santorum’s mind, knowledge must be Satanic. This is exactly how the church oppressed people for hundreds of years throughout the Dark Ages. This is exactly how fascist dictatorships always start out, by getting rid of all the intellectual and educated. Theocratic dictatorships, no matter where or when they were in history, depend on people being ignorant, because if they’re educated and knowledgeable, they’ll realize that a lot of the religion they are forced to follow is absolute bullshit. I don’t mean to attack religion as a whole, but Santorum has officially taken the crown in modern American history for weaponizing religion. I don’t even want to write any more on this topic because it makes me so mad, but thus is the nature of these articles. On to Santorum’s next train wreck…
  28. Believes Protestantism is also satanic, or at least is possessed by Satan. Protestantism makes up a majority, just over 51%, of American Christians. Santorum, a Catholic, says Protestants are not real Christians and that Protestantism is “in shambles.” Santorum, though, made damn sure to clarify that the Catholic Church was certainly not possessed by Satan – only the Protestant church is. How on Earth is this guy so popular in the Republican Party, when he thinks a vast majority of them don’t count as real Christians, and are in fact possessed by Satan? This is perhaps the best testament to the ignorance of the average Republican voter I’ve ever seen.
  29. Does not believe in separation of church and state. Do I even really have to say anything here? He said an “absolute separation of church and state” made him want to “vomit.” He went on to say “the idea that the church can have no influence or no involvement in the operation of the state is absolutely antithetical to the objectives and visions of our country.” Clearly, Santorum has absolutely no idea what this country was founded on. Jon Stewart elaborates more here.
  30. In the end, Rick Santorum is nothing more than a sugar-coated Pat Robertson. Well, a Catholic, sugar-coated Pat Robertson. Okay, okay, a Catholic, sugar-coated Pat Robertson on steroids. And not so much sugar, maybe more like some sort of sugar substitute that people don’t really like, like high-fructose corn syrup. That’s it – Rick Santorum is a high-fructose corn syrup covered, Catholic Pat Robertson on steroids… that’s actually leading in Republican polls and could win the nomination for President in 2012. If I haven’t yet proven to you this man’s religious zealotry, consider the fact that there’s a high likelihood that he’s an Opus Dei Catholic. For those of you that don’t know, such as myself when I first heard about them, the Opus Dei Catholics are a super secret sect of Catholicism. They were featured in the novel and movie adaptation of The Da Vinci Code as the primary antagonistic organization (though they were wildly historically inaccurate – I just wanted to give people some sort of reference). Members are greatly discouraged from revealing themselves, likely because of the amount of criticism and scrutiny the organization receives over controversial practices such as extreme confidentiality, aggressive recruiting tactics, and mortification of the flesh, which is when someone physically beats themselves or inflicts great pain upon themselves as a form of repentance or apologizing for having any degree of mortal pleasure. Given how greatly they discourage members from revealing themselves, combined with Santorum’s extremely radical religious ideology and respect for the founder of the organization (having attended his birthday celebrations), it’s likely he is a member. Already we know Santorum belongs to at least one “specialized” sect of the Catholic Church; the Knights of Malta. Santorum is a “Knight” of this organization, which is the oldest order of chivalry on Earth. Keep in mind, they are old school chivalry though, which would explain Santorum’s sexist tendencies. I’m not one to judge based on religious beliefs, but when you’re as entrenched in it as Santorum is, you’re a little nuts. To me, things like orders of chivalry, secret religious societies, and so on, are all just extremely silly and goofy – like something I would play in a video game, a fantasy setting, and then leave it behind in that fantasy setting when I go back to the real world. For Santorum, things like that are real, and that is why I saved this as my final point about Santorum; he’s religious to the point of delusion, and wants to force his beliefs onto the entire country, which, if he is successful in bringing all of them to the level of federal government, would begin a new Dark Age.

Santorum is still leading in some national polls, but last night his efforts to win the nomination hit a major road block after losing Michigan and Arizona to Romney. He’s clearly undeserving of the nomination, but then again, which of the four candidates left are? Gingrich was loathsome, Romney was fake, Paul was half brilliant, half insane, Perry was dangerous, Bachmann was stupid… but Santorum? I don’t even know how to categorize him. This article actually took much longer for me to write than most because I just feel no passion for Santorum at all. I mean… really Republicans? This is your guy? I doubt it, but the funny thing is I don’t even doubt it as passionately as I doubted Gingrich. It’s just so extremely disappointing to see Republicans support such a disturbing candidate so fervently. Personally, I still doubt he’ll win the primary, and even if he does, of the four candidates left in the race, Obama could squish him easier than any of them, so I’m not real concerned at all.

Nonetheless, I have to give props to Ben Mankiewicz of The Young Turks. Long ago, way back after the very first debate or two of this primary, he predicted Santorum could win. No one else agreed with him, but it looks like he could get to hand out a tall glass of shut up juice to the whole crew, not to mention me.

Also, I’m pretty sure Santorum is doing everything in his power to look like a Sith Lord. Just watch this video of him giving a speech from a tower balcony. I’d suggest even muting it and watching his smug look when he sees the police start arresting and brutalizing protesters.

It can be hard to make out in this video, but that’s his campaign banner in front of him on the side of the building. If you can’t see it, I’ll just tell you; the official colors of his campaign are red, white, and BLACK. Seriously, black. His campaign just started putting up signs here in Edmond the other day and I snagged some pictures; here’s Santorum’s ominously dark campaign signs:

You know, his speech and color choice seem so familiar. Where have I seen this before?

High Chancellor Adam Susan from V for Vendetta

Oh yeah….

…wait a second…

... meh, close enough

Oh, and in case you missed it at the top of the page, I’ll just finish with this. If Santorum wins the primary, I have full intent of posting this video everywhere on the internet. Because I mean really; when are we going to just cave and re-name the 2012 Republican Primary the Biggest Douche in the Universe? That’s all they’re really competing for any more.