Compiled by Jane English
- RULE: It’s unacceptable when autocorrect won’t let you spell what you need to spell – Cenk U.
- RULE: Restaurants should butter your bread for you – Cenk U. (refuted by Wes C.)
- RULE: Cream is better than milk in coffee and they should not be treated as the same – Cenk U.
- RULE: If you’re at a restaurant, you should be able to get what you want without worrying about being a “diva” or sounding too demanding – Dave K.
- RULE: Don’t over-engineer your army. Parts for one machine or vehicle need to be compatible with as many other machines or vehicles used by your army as possible – Wes C.
- RULE: There needs to be a show on the TYT Network called “When Bigotry Goes Wrong” – Cenk U.
- Half of the series will be about how the world treated the Jews – Cenk U.
- RULE: Someone starving to death still counts as a kill on a dictator’s scorecard – Wes C.
- RULE: There are no breaks on Old School live. If someone has to pee they get go off-camera and use a cup… while still participating in the conversation – Wes C.
- RULE: If you’re a dictator, don’t bomb indiscriminately to kill your enemies. Send in one spy for every three people in a town to find people and specifically target them – Cenk U.
- RULE: You must win the trust of and support the local population to truly win a war – Cenk U.
- RULE: If there’s a four hour gap between a wedding and reception you’re allowed to do whatever you want in that time, from go golfing to have dental work done – Cenk U.
- RULE: If you’re fucking with somebody by making them think they’ve just impregnated someone when really you know they haven’t, never exceed more than an hour or two without telling them the truth. The initial scare is more than enough on its own. Two weeks is unimaginably cruel – Wes C.
- RATING: Kalamata olives are infinitely better than black olives – Cenk U.
- RATING: There’s a big difference between tomatoes and sun-dried tomatoes – Wes C.
- RATING: Restaurants are a pain in the ass altogether – Jayar and Dave
- RATING: American restaurants wait on you hand and foot. Eastern European restaurants don’t give a shit about you – Wes C.
- RATING: Contrary to popular belief, the Third Reich was one of the least efficient states of all time – Wes C.
- RATING: Hitler was worse than Stalin – Dave K.
- RATING: The Iraq War was way worse than anything Donald Trump has said – Dave K.
- RATING: Wendy Deng is a modern day Cleopatra – Dave K.
- The only modern historical figure that even comes close to Deng is Marylyn Monroe – Wes C.
- RATING: The amount of pussy JFK was getting was unbelievable – Cenk U.
- RATING: Wendy Deng must give one of the best blowjobs in the world – Wes C.
- THEORY: There’s probably a lot of people tied for that because there couldn’t be that much of a difference – Dave K.
- RATING: If Donald Trump ends up marrying Wendy Deng it will be the most amazing thing to ever happen in our lifetimes – Cenk U.
- Unless she marries Hillary Clinton. THAT would be the most amazing thing ever – Cenk U.
- FACT: In Hollywood it is human nature that no one wants to actually help you, they just want you to go away – Wes C.
- FACT: Turkish waiters are super nice and polite because in Turkey wealthy clients will have them beat up if they didn’t like the service – Cenk U.
- FACT: The creation of the atomic bomb was the greatest failure of bigotry of all time. The Germans had the technology to do it, but it was the Jewish scientists that fled to America that helped the Americans build it – Cenk U.
- FACT: If you’re bold, you can get away with anything a certain amount of times – Wes C.
- FACT: Donald Trump is a danger to the Republic, but not necessarily other countries – Wes C.
- THEORY: Wendy Deng can type with her vagina – Wes C.
- THEORY: Putin is just using Deng to get as much information out of her about Murdoch and Blair as possible – Wes C.
- PREDICTION: The Battle of Aleppo will be remembered as the bloodiest battle of the past half century – Wes C.
- PREDICTION: African countries are advancing so fast we will be blown away in about ten years, but as a result the world will be destroyed – Wes C.
- PREDICTION: Wendy Deng came onto Putin, not the other way around – Cenk U.
- PREDICTION: Putin found out about Wendy Deng from bugging Tony Blair’s phone, hearing him privately discuss how she gives the best blowjob ever, and setting out to make her his – Wes C.
- PREDICTION: Erdoğan is desperate to find a way to get into Wendy Deng’s pants now – Cenk U.