RULE: Ben needs to try and get in on this TYT Interviews thing – Ben M.
RULE: TYT should put up the original Dick Morris interview to compare with the new one – Ben M.
RULE: You can’t un-hug someone. If they hug you, you have to hug back – Cenk U.
RULE: Don’t bet against good coaches under any circumstances – Cenk U.
RULE: Stop vocal frying. It’s when you make your voice sound like a groaning crackle for emphasis – Ben M.
RULE: No matter what you sound like, your voice is fine. There’s no need to alter your voice unless you have such a thick accent people in the place you live struggle to understand you and you want to change it – Ben M.
RULE: All weddings should be Armenian weddings – Cenk U.
RULE: Appetizers at a wedding should be constant, unlimited, served at the table instead of a buffet, and already on the table upon the arrival of guests – Cenk U.
RULE: Don’t rush the food at a large festivity; casually bring out more food when it’s ready – Cenk U.
RULE: Alcohol and shot glasses should already be on each table upon arriving at a wedding – Cenk U.
RULE: Americans can’t not know the chicken dance – Cenk U.
RULE: All fun dance rituals are allowed at weddings, but not necessary – Cenk U.
RULE: Showering the bride and room with money is always allowed, but not necessary, and you know whoever’s job it is to pick up the money will be keeping at least $40 – Cenk and Ben
RULE: Armenian music isn’t require at weddings, but strongly suggested – Cenk U.
RATING: Traditional Armenian music is the perfect balance of Middle Eastern, Russian, and Jewish music – Cenk U.
RULE: All events should be Armenian style with perpetual appetizers and drinks, served on the table and already present upon guests arriving – Cenk U.
RULE: If you have a paragraph tattoo, you are not allowed to get annoyed when people try to read it – Cenk U.
RULE: A nickname can’t be a sentence. It has to be part of the name – Ben M.
Except in wrestling because it’s already fake – Ben M.
RULE: For your nickname to be cool it must be useable in a greeting – Cenk and Ben
RULE: The Clinton campaign must stop with the canned lines. It’s unbearably disingenuous – Cenk and Ben
RULE: If you’re doing anything political, from attending Congressional sessions to collecting signatures on a petition, dress up – Cenk and Ben
RATING: Dick Morris is the second most braggadocios and narcissistic person on the planet, behind only Donald Trump – Ben M.
RATING: “There’s a lot of ways to skin a cat” is a much worse saying than “splitting the baby,” but they’re both horrendous sayings – Ben and Cenk
RATING: Eli Manning is more famous than Rich Gannon – Ben and Cenk
RATING: Eli Manning is a confounding professional athlete. We don’t know if he’s good or not even though he’s been in the league for twelve years – Ben M.
RATING: Kevin Harlan is a fantastic sportscaster – Ben M.
RATING: The Patriot’s last nine years may be the greatest victory streak in football history – Ben M.
RATING: The Magnificent Seven isn’t that good of a movie. It’s not bad, but it’s not good – Ben M. (refuted by Cenk)
RATING: Denzel Washington is great when his characters aren’t dependent upon him being black, but he also makes for fantastic “black” characters – Ben M.
RATING: The Doctors in the emergency helicopters are badasses – Cenk U.
RATING: “Ben Mankiewicz, The Known Jew” is a good nickname – Cenk U.
RATING: Tim Kaine is the awkward dad of politics – Cenk U.
Joe Biden is the fun, loveable grandpa of politics – Me
RATING: Mike Pence is more polished than Tim Kaine, but he’s a serial liar and batshit crazy – Ben M.
RATING: Kevin Harland would be a fantastic debate moderator – Cenk U.
FACT: Time is a beast – Ben M.
FACT: Dick Morris is largely the creator of the triangulation political strategy, wherein you say “I’m somewhere between the Republicans and Democrats.” – Cenk U.
FACT: The biggest weakness of political triangulation is you don’t stand up for your own side, undermining the whole strategy and defeating the purpose of “winning” – Cenk U.
FACT: Dick Morris was one of the first “mainstream” guys to repeat crazy nonsense lies about Hillary Clinton – Ben M.
FACT: Running up a deficit is not a real problem in modern society – Ben M.
FACT: No one wants to buy anything Eli Manning is selling – Cenk U.
FACT: Haas knows nepotism when he sees it – Cenk U.
FACT: Good nicknames, by definition, make you cooler – Cenk U.
FACT: It’s impossible to overuse the nickname “The Rock.” It is by definition a cool name – Cenk U.
FACT: Used to, it was impossible to be cool and to be in the “bicycle club” – Cenk U.
FACT: Cenk’s nickname, as recorded in the Washington D.C. police records, is officially El Hefe – Cenk U.
FACT: One of the few good things about the Clinton campaign is that they do their homework and know how to do a political hit job – Cenk U.
FACT: It’s outrageous that the right-wing commentary channel on Sirius radio is called The Patriots – Ben M.
THEORY: Dick Morris is no longer on FOX because he’s turned oddly anti-establishment that in some ways is the correct direction to go in, which FOX can’t have – Cenk U.
THEORY: Dick Morris was fired because of his horrible predictions of the 2012 election – Ben M.
RULE: The hosts of Old School should not be judging people based on fashion – Wes and Cenk
RULE: Never pay for accidentally separating a hose from a gas pump. They detach naturally and cost nothing to be snapped back together – Wes C.
If someone tries to say you have to pay for it, call the parent company – Wes C.
RULE: Never work for Donald Trump unless you get cash up front – Cenk U.
RULE: We’ll know balance is returning to American politics when Cenk is regarded as a moderate again – Cenk U.
RATING: Hearing things you shouldn’t because of a hot mike is very Old School – Cenk U.
It’s even more Old School is when they say things but the audience can’t hear them – Michael S.
RATING: Cenk’s mother made the best napkins in the world – Cenk U.
RATING: The hosts of Old School are the least fashionable people on Earth – Cenk U.
RATING: Someone who cares way too much about what other people think is definitely not cool – Cenk U.
RATING: If the establishment was to set up a conspiracy such that in an incredibly anti-establishment time voters are forced to vote for an establishment candidate because their opponent is so God-damn monstrous they could not have done it better intentionally than how it happened in 2016 – Cenk U.
RATING: America has the most violent labor history of any country in the world – Wes C.
FACT: Nobody tells jokes any more – Michael S.
FACT: Memes are the new jokes – Wes C.
FACT: There are two different connotative definitions for the word “cool.” The first is someone who “keeps their cool” and doesn’t get emotionally worked up over anything. Then there’s “cool” as in good and popular – Michael S.
These two definitions are largely the same – Wes C. (refuted by Michael)
FACT: Being “cool” as in “keeping your cool” is now more commonly referred to as “chill,” meaning “cool” has been turned down a few degrees – Michael S.
FACT: Nothing said on Old School is the first time it’s ever been said or thought of – Wes C.
FACT: Power protects itself – Cenk U.
FACT: There’s rarely a conspiracy generated in a smoke-filled room, but there is an invisible hand made up of thousands of microscopic elements that plays on human nature to get targeted people to a certain end result – Cenk U.
The fashion industry is a rare exception. They often do just get together and come up with bullshit to feed to the masses like the “color of the year” – Cenk U.
FACT: No corporation will ever hire a radical for any job – Cenk and Wes (refuted by Michael S.)
FACT: The fashion industry’s “color of the year” is picked by the paint companies. Literally – Cenk U.
FACT: “Radicals” in the fashion industry are only radicals in their own personal lives. In the industry they get co-opted by the paint companies – Cenk U.
FACT: There’s a difference between trend-chasing “cool” people and those who don’t conform because they genuinely don’t want to – Wes C.
FACT: “Cool” is becoming synonymous with indifferent – Cenk U.
FACT: The entire “body odor” industry is made up and not necessary – Michael, Cenk, and Wes
FACT: Advertising, no matter what the product is, raises sales by 20% – 30% because people respect a company that advertises – Wes C.
The best example of this in the whole world is Trump – Cenk U.
FACT: Donald Trump is the first non-establishment candidate on a major party ticket in US history – Michael S.
FACT: FDR was a “boat rocker,” but he came from the establishment – Michael S.
FACT: Sometimes you just have to get lucky to fight the establishment – Cenk U.
FACT: Had it not been for a wobbly chair during an assasination attempt, we wouldn’t have gotten FDR – Cenk U.
FACT: There would have been a revolution had it not been for FDR and the New Deal – Wes C.
FACT: Had Al Gore asked for a total recount of Florida instead of just a few counties millions of lives would have been spared – Michael S.
FACT: Al Gore won both the popular and electoral vote in 2000 – Cenk U.
FACT: Every crime story mentions “police believe drugs may have been involved” totally unnecessarily – Wes C.
FACT: Marijuana is in the system of at least a fourth of all people in Los Angeles, making it an easy thing to blame for an accident or crime – Cenk U.
FACT: For many people who commit suicide that happen to have a drug problem, it’s not so much the drugs as it is the rejection from society and their own family – Wes C.
There is actual evidence for this among the transgender community; family rejection may be the leading cause of transgender suicide, who attempt it at significantly higher rates than the rest of society. Read more here – Me
FACT: Korean Airlines have more crashes than any other airline because in Korean culture you don’t question your superiors so co-pilots are too polite to correct the pilot when something is going wrong – CenkU.
FACT: Progressives have won so completely on social issues there’s almost no opposition left – Cenk U.
FACT: Walter Lippman created the consumer society in the 1920s and 30s – Wes C.
FACT: The natural inclination of the artist is to rebel against the establishment. That’s why they’re artists. That’s why modern advertising put them to work as cogs in the capitalist machine so they would actually have something else to do other than rebel – Wes C.
FACT: We have to stop all oil pipelines right now if there’s hope of surviving climate change – Wes C.
FACT: Columbus Day was a gift for Italian Americans because they wanted their own St. Patrick’s Day – Wes and Cenk
THEORY: The reason Polish people were stigmatized as stupid in America is because there was a high influx of them and they were European but they didn’t speak a Germanic language, so they were very inarticulate despite blending in physically with other immigrants – Michael and Wes
THEORY: “Cool” is a marketing technique to get you to think you don’t care about anything – Wes C.
THEORY: Marketers got the word “cool” from the phrase “lose your cool” and created the other meaning of indifference – Cenk U.
THEORY: The fashion industry’s “color of the year” is determined by whichever color they have the highest surplus of that needs to be eliminated – Wes C.
THEORY: Alex Jones may be a false flag operation to drown all legitimate conspiracy theories in a sea of nonsense – Cenk U.
This could only be true if Alex Joes is the best actor in the history of the world – Cenk U.
THEORY: Drag racing culture didn’t exist in America until about sixteen years ago when Hollywood and advertisers created the image of the drag racer with the Fast and Furious movies – Wes C.
PREDICTION: Trump will blame his campaign staff when he loses – Wes C.
RULE: If you’re going to spew hate speech, at least be quick about it – Malcolm and Cenk
RULE: The first fifty comments of every Young Turks YouTube video should be automatically deleted – Malcolm F.
RULE: If the media is going to accuse you of being a Marxist, Socialist, Communist, you may as well at least be a liberal – Cenk U.
RULE: People should assimilate – Cenk U.
RULE: We need to find a balance between a culture where authority crushes reform efforts and a culture where authority dictates a reform and everyone blindly follows – Cenk U.
RATING: The saying “when you think you’re done, you’ve just begun,” is super depressing – Cenk U.
RATING: The saying “attitude is everything” is vapid and really only applicable to con men – Malcolm and Wes
RATING: The Humpty Dance by Digital Underground is one of the greatest songs of all time – Wes and Cenk
RATING: Malcolm is good at trivia – Cenk U.
RATING: Eric Garcetti is a really smart guy – Cenk U.
FACT: Every fan of The Young Turks is angry – Cenk U.
FACT: Malcolm is a host for every show on the TYT network now – Cenk U.
FACT: Trump has made it okay to hate again – Wes C.
FACT: 30% of every country’s population consists of authoritarian, nonsensical robots – Wes C.
FACT: The jury is in on climate change. It’s real and the time to panic is now – Cenk and Wes
FACT: The hydrocarbon, agriculture, and pharmaceutical industry are the big three that pull the levers in our government – Wes C.
FACT: It took dozens of dollars to set up The Young Turks Network – Cenk U.
FACT: Arkansas is controlled by about two or three families – Wes C.
FACT: Mormons never stop trying to bring people back into their church that have left – Wes C.
FACT: The more hierarchical a culture is the more easily they assimilate to a new culture because they obey authority – Cenk U.
FACT: If you fuck your campaign manager’s wife, it’s really hard to find a new campaign manager – Malcolm F.
FACT: Contrary to what conservatives say, no liberal has ever heard of Saul Alinsky – Malcolm and Cenk
FACT: New York, Washington DC, Los Angeles, and San Francisco are the four cities that rules us all – Cenk U.
FACT: Most Americans just don’t have the time required to be fully informed on the issues. They’re too busy working their asses off just trying to survive – Cenk, Wes, and Malcolm
FACT: The old media is on its way out. The only question is what will die first; establishment media, or the planet – Cenk U.
THEORY: Christmas tree stores are likely fronts for the mob – Wes C.
THEORY: The south states don’t have the same access to capitol as the northern states because a small handful of people have all of it and refuse to give it up. This explains many of the fundamental differences between them – Wes C.
THEORY: There’s some chance Tim Pawlenty and Jon Huntsman are the same person – Malcolm F.
This is a huge disservice to Jon Huntsman – Cenk U.
THEORY: Obama is obviously not a Muslim, but there’s a good chance he’s not a Christian either. He’s likely some sort of non-theist – Malcolm F.
PREDICTION: In our lifetimes we’re going to lose South Beach in Florida to climate change – Cenk U.
PREDICTION: Mormons taking over America is far more likely than Muslims taking over America – Cenk U.
PREDICTION: Eric Garcetti will eventually either run for Governor or Senator – Wes C.
PREDICTION: Eric Garcetti will eventually figure out that people like politicians who are a little less polished these days and will scale it back some – Cenk U.
Eventually he’ll scale it back so far he’s homeless – Cenk U.
RULE: You’re allowed to check out people, but no longer than one “beat” after they catch you checking them out – Cenk, Wes, and Ben
This rule can vary depending on your age, who you’re looking at, how good looking you are, and where at them you are staring – Wes C.
Unless the gaze has been re-engaged by the person being gazed at – Cenk U. (refuted by Ben M.)
The above exception is referred to as the Haas corollary – Cenk U.
RULE: You can’t let people on that you think you’re good looking – Ben and Wes
RULE: The “here we are” age, meaning the age at which you are likely to not improve any further in anyway (physically, socially, financially, etc.) and from which point it’s all down hill, is forty-five – Cenk, Wes, and Ben
RULE: Your life will likely not improve much past who you are and what you have at forty-five, so at that age make what life you do have great – Ben M.
RULE: The standard for when The Young Turks have “made it” is when they actually start paying Wes – Wes C.
RULE: There should be a scented candle that smells like bum urine called “Vagrantis” – Ben M.
RULE: Reality TV should not be watched because it’s so pedantic and stupid – Cenk U.
RULE: You don’t have to stand for the national anthem or pledge of allegiance to be patriotic or to love this country – Cenk, Ben, and Wes
RATING: A guy in his sixties dating a woman in her twenties, no matter how you cut it, is creepy, but Cenk would still do it – Cenk and Wes
RATING: Indian food is much better served buffet style – Cenk U.
RATING: Cuban food is much better served buffet style – Cenk U.
RATING: Fuck Indian food. It’s massively overrated – Ben M.
Unless it’s the colonialist interpretation of Indian food – Wes C.
RATING: Ethiopian food is terrible – Cenk and Wes
RATING: Afghani food may be the worst – Cenk U.
RATING: Philippine food is surprisingly bad – Cenk U.
RATING: Korean BBQ is way overrated – Ben M.
RATING: Armenian BBQ is way overrated – Wes C.
RATING: American BBQ is great – Ben and Cenk
RATING: Tai food is way overrated – Wes C.
RATING: Uzbek food is better than Indian food, but that’s not saying much because they’re both terrible – Cenk U. (refuted by Wes and Ben)
RATING: Russian food is among the worst. It’s nothing but nasty looking fish with cabbage and potato – Cenk U.
RATING: Unless you’re there when the food is fresh, buffets are gross – Ben M. (refuted by Cenk)
RATING: Red is obviously a better color than blue – Cenk U.
RATING: Vinegar and mint are basically the same thing – Wes C.
RATING: Chinese food makes for terrible leftovers – Ben M.
RATING: Indian food makes for great leftovers – Wes C.
RATING: Buffet-like experiences wherein they still serve up your food for you like Panda Express are the best restaurant experiences – Ben M. (refuted by Cenk)
RATING: Panda Express is too American – Cenk U.
RATING: Thanksgiving is a better holiday than Christmas – Cenk U.
RATING: Christmas is the best holiday of “those types” of holidays. “Those types” do not include Thanksgiving – Ben M.
RATING: “Risqué Video” in Philadelphia is the Taj Mahal of porn stores – Cenk U.
RATING: Some TV shows these days are better than movies, but outside of them everything on TV is so bad it’s depressing and speaks poorly of humanity – Wes and Cenk
RATING: The Bachelor is remarkably well produced for a reality TV show – Ben M.
RATING: Music-themed reality shows are the only decent ones because there’s an element of competition and they can produce real stars – Wes C. (refuted by Ben)
RATING: Watching someone sing without a band is insufferable – Ben M.
RATING: Vulgar British diction contains many tragically unsexy words – Ben M.
RATING: In the 80s and 90s television was at least 85% good or bearable, but now it’s 80% wasteland – Cenk and Ben
RATING: No one was more patriotic or believed more in the greatness, and goodness, of America than Frank Mankiewicz – Ben M.
RATING: “Lies My Teacher Told Me” is a great book – Wes C.
RATING: The NFL hiring murders and domestic abusers, but discarding Colin Kaepernick because he wouldn’t stand for the national anthem, is the most unacceptable thing ever – Ben, Wes, and Cenk
FACT: Turks secretly feel Thanksgiving is their holiday – Cenk U.
FACT: Haas is the king of subtly – Wes C.
FACT: Younger generations are more honest about sex, which is good, even though it leads to less sex – Cenk U.
FACT: Those who think men always win in relationships, marriage, and divorce are fucking wrong – Wes C.
FACT: Wes has never had a problem scoring pussy – Wes C.
FACT: The way we wither in age is nature’s way of warning other members of our species “do not have sex with this person, they are useless” – Wes and Cenk
FACT: In the times before internet and video games, sex was the best form of entertainment, but many Americans feel otherwise now – Wes C.
FACT: You can make a good life for yourself wherever you are (unless it’s Darfur or Syria or something) – Ben and Wes
FACT: Ethiopians never eat Ethiopian food – Ben M.
FACT: All interesting arguments are subjective – Ben M.
An “objective argument” isn’t an argument; it’s just a Republican being an idiot – Cenk U.
FACT: Eastern LA is China – Cenk U.
FACT: Dr. Laura is full of shit – Cenk U.
FACT: Life does require hard work, but it’s mostly luck, timing, and blowjobs – Wes C.
Timing is the most important of the four – Wes C.
Luck is the most important of the four – Ben M.
An irrational belief that you will succeed can also help – Wes and Cenk
FACT: It is totally unacceptable when a browser re-opens a page you were at in your last session automatically – Cenk U.
FACT: There should be no shame in using a private window when surfing the web – Ben M.
FACT: Cenk was put on this planet to explore adult video stores – Cenk U.
FACT: No one could ever sell $1,000 worth of dildos every day – Wes C.
FACT: There’s no way an adult book store could survive for twenty years in the age of the internet. Any that have been operating for that long must either be also selling drugs or laundering money for the mob – Ben and Wes
FACT: Tufts is the school for those who couldn’t get into an ivy league school – Ben M.
FACT: The one place in America you know you will never get laid is a strip club – Howard M.
FACT: It’ll be a good day in America when baseball salaries start going down – Cenk U. (refuted by Ben)
FACT: The argument that TYT only has so many views on YouTube because they’ve been on for so long is irrelevant because a vast majority of them have come in the past three years – Ben M.
THEORY: Russians drink so much because they really don’t want to eat the horrible food they have in Russia – Ben M.