RULE: The “three Bs” of food are bacon for savory foods, bananas for sweet foods, and butter for any food. They improve all foods when added – Cenk U.
RULE: Vinegar is not one of the “three Bs,” but it improves a great many foods – Cenk U.
RULE: When getting popcorn at the movies, only fill your tub half way, then put butter on, then get more popcorn, and another layer of butter, so the butter is more evenly spread throughout the tub – Jayar J.
RULE: Coke must be super cold and super carbonated to be worth it – Cenk and Wes
RULE: The best way to drink Coke is out of a pewter mug – Wes C.
RULE: Childhood lunches of a bologna sandwich with American cheese and mayonnaise on Wonder Bread makes you a real fucking American – Cenk U.
RULE: Don’t keep a machete for home defense; keep an axe. They’re equally sharp and dangerous but you can throw an axe. You can’t throw a machete – Wes C.
RULE: If someone suspicious is talking to you, turn to the side so they have less surface area for them to hit. You can also rest your arm upright in your opposing hand to block your ribcage and neck with your arm and hand – Jayar J.
RULE: To avoid getting into a fight, the moment things start escalating just say “I’ve really gotta’ go take a shit” – Cenk U.
RULE: If you hear a suspicious noise three times it’s time to get out of bed and investigate – Cenk U.
RULE: Black people have perfectly good reason to be paranoid – Cenk U.
RULE: You know a gun owner isn’t a safe gun owner when they ask you, “you want to see my gun(s)?” – Jayar J.
RULE: Unless you see a gun owner disassemble and check every part of a gun for safety before showing it off, get away from them, there’s going to be a horrible accident – Wes c.
RULE: We should have taken land from Germany to create Israel after World War 2, not a random Middle Eastern kingdom – Cenk U.
RULE: If they start registering Muslims, every single American should register as Muslim – Cenk U.
RULE: If you’re a good hearted person that wants to see change in the military or law enforcement, consider joining up – Wes C.
RULE: This is America. Participate – Wes C.
RATING: Old School is about 50/50 politics/nonsense now – Cenk U.
RATING: Margareta pizzas are real, but bullshit pizzas – Jayar J.
RATING: Greek flaming cheese is fantastic – Wes and Cenk
RATING: Jersey Mike’s sandwiches are amazing because they drench their sandwiches in vinegar – Jayar and Cenk
RATING: There is something wrong with the bread at Subway – Cenk U.
RATING: Margarine tastes better than butter – Jayar J. (refuted by Wes and Cenk)
RATING: The butter you put on popcorn at movie theaters is the least healthy kind of butter – Jayar, Wes, and Cenk
RATING: Hi C is just as bad as soda – Jayar J.
RATING: Bologna is terrible – Wes C. (refuted by Cenk)
RATING: Guys in the Navy have more fun than anyone else in the military – Wes C.
RATING: The toughness of the Jews is really underrated – Cenk U.
FACT: If Cenk is talking about something he ate, it’s never something he made – Cenk U.
FACT: If Jayar is talking about something he ate, it’s always something he made – Cenk U.
FACT: Americans improves all foods – Cenk U.
FACT: Jayar can deconstruct any meal at a restaurant and re-construct it in his own kitchen, but better – Jayar J.
FACT: If you really want to fuck up your body, eat Subway for every meal for thirty days – Wes C.
FACT: There’s no point in going to the movies unless you get popcorn drowned in butter – Cenk U.
FACT: The vitamins sold at the end of InfoWars do nothing. It’s the nutritional equivalent to eating a salt shaker every day – Wes C.
FACT: The bread at Subway doesn’t have yoga mat material in it; it only has a chemical in it used for bleaching that is also used to create yoga mats and is used in dozens of other restaurant chains – Jayar J.
FACT: If someone really wants to kill you, they’re going to kill you. It’s not that hard – Wes C.
FACT: White folks don’t like locking doors because it’s a hassle – Jayar J.
FACT: When you nod as a means of acknowledging another person, you nod up if it’s someone you know, exposing your neck. If it’s someone you don’t know you subconsciously nod down because you don’t know if they pose a threat – Wes C.
FACT: If you get into a fight the best places to hit are the knee and throat, even though they’re really hard shots to make – Cenk, Wes, and Jayar
FACT: White people from the South brag about how armed and/or dangerous they are to their neighbors, friends, and family not to be sociable but to put them on notice – Wes C.
FACT: A Southern white guy that converts to Judaism is weird as shit, but there are at least two – Wes C.
FACT: Everyone projects their own hatreds and sins onto other people – Wes C.
FACT: Only people who use the term “sub-human” are sub-human – Wes C.
FACT: Any culture, no matter how civil, is susceptible to slipping into fascism – Wes C.
FACT: We’re all the decedents of rapists and monsters – Wes C.
FACT: Mt. Rushmore was a giant fuck you to Native Americans – Wes C.
FACT: One of the big factors that drives hate towards a specific group is their resilience – Jayar J.
FACT: The CEO of the company building the Dakota Access Pipeline is evil, which is not a word that should be thrown around lightly. He already has $3.9 billion and he’s literally murdering Native Americans who are doing nothing but praying because he wants an extra $1 billion – Wes C.
FACT: If a forty year old white guy walks up to you in a parking lot and starts talking, he wants to suck your dick – Cenk U.
THEORY: Alex Jones has too much salt in his system. That’s why he’s hyperaggressive – Wes C.
THEORY: You shouldn’t have to lock your doors because thievery is wrong, so if someone steals your stuff it’s 100% on them. You should not have to take action to prevent crimes happening to you but rather build a society that will naturally not foster crime – Dave K. (refuted by… everyone)
THEORY: America’s culture of fear and violence in film and television has gotten much worse in the past twenty to thirty years – Wes C.
PREDICTION: In these next four years, we will find out what America is all about, because it’s going to get challenged – Cenk U.
PREDICTION: Trump is not as significant as a threat as people assume right out of the gate. It’s when his popularity inevitably plummets that he’ll have to find a scapegoat, and things could get really, really ugly – Cenk U.
RULE: If you don’t want a cat to shut off your computer before you save your work, don’t own a cat – Steve O.
RULE: If you admit wrongdoing, but the guy trying to hold you responsible doesn’t let it go, they’re now more in the wrong and the roles reverse – Cenk U.
RULE: True leaders eat last – Cenk U.
RULE: Fuck Tim Kaine – Wes C.
RULE: No lawyers can run in 2020 – Wes C.
RULE: Don’t judge Hillary Clinton too harshly for not giving a concession speech the night of the election. As corrupt and terrible of a person as she may be, she was still a human, and her entire life’s work collapsed in the most embarrassing, devastating way at the hands of a barbaric misogynist. You wouldn’t have been able to leave your hotel room either – Cenk U.
RATING: Cenk, Wes, and Steve are the three most likely guys at TYT to get into a fist fight – Steve O.
RATING: Hillary Clinton’s pre-planned “victory party” was the most surreal experience possible – Wes C.
RATING: The overconfidence of the Democratic establishment at Hillary’s “Victory” party was immeasurable – Wes C.
RATING: Clinton’s 2016 campaign was run by people so blindly supportive of Hillary they were like zombies – Steve and Wes
RATING: The hero worship of Hillary within her campaign was almost North Korean – Cenk U.
RATING: Hillary Clinton dresses like she’s from The Capital in The Hunger Games, which is a very over-polished way – Cenk U.
RATING: Jimmy Dore is real as real gets – Cenk U.
RATING: No one wears a suit better than Brian Williams – Jimmy D.
RATING: Brian Williams sounds so much smarter just because of the slow pace of his speech and hushed tone – Jimmy D.
RATING: The Dakota Access Pipeline protests are the most horrible, Orwellian, fascist thing to happen in America in a very, very long time. It has reached levels of such absurdity it’s like out of an over-the-top movie – Wes C.
RATING: Michael Wood is a really good, decent guy – Wes, Steve, and Cenk
FACT: The Clinton campaign couldn’t run a drink line to save their lives – Wes C.
FACT: Hillary Clinton lost in 2016 because her entire campaign and her biggest supporters were so detached from American society – Wes C.
FACT: In the wake of Hillary’s 2016 loss, the Democratic Party establishment has been destroyed – Wes C.
FACT: In the wake of Trump’s 2016 victory, the Republican Party establishment has been destroyed – Wes C.
FACT: You do not need celebrities to endorse your candidate. They’re too detached from the everyday American – Wes C.
FACT: The youth Hillary supporters were obsessed with celebrity and power – Cenk and Wes
FACT: When you grow up rich you have the luxury of being able to follow all the rules because they’re rigged in your favor. When you’re poor sometimes you have to break a few rules and elbow your way in – Cenk U.
FACT: Within the Democratic Party loyalty is a one-way street going up, which fucks up hierarchies – Wes c.
FACT: Donald Trump is a bloviating, racist idiot, but because it’s real and authentic people liked that more than Clinton’s inauthenticity – Steve O.
FACT: Hillary Clinton was actually coached on expressing human emotions during her campaign, and that is the essence of why she lost – Steve and Cenk
FACT: There were many factors that led to Hillary Clinton’s loss, including, but not limited to, her corruption, sexism, the e-mails, and the FBI needlessly coming after her, but they were not the core problem. The core problem was she was an inauthentic, over-polished politician – Cenk U.
FACT: Possibly the one good thing Trump did was rip the face off the establishment. He beat both the Bushes and the Clintons in a single election – Cenk and Steve
FACT: We’ve been ruled by PR since the late 80s. Conservative voters don’t actually want what we’re told conservative voters want – Wes and Cenk
FACT: Not only is Cenk the guy that eats his steak with a salad fork at the posh country club, but he sticks his head out the window and shouts to the groundskeepers and valets, “hey you guys wanna’ come in?” – Steve and Cenk
FACT: The Democratic Party is a ship in the Queen’s Navy that’s been battered from a storm, and The Young Turks are a bunch of opportunistic pirates ready to board it and take it the fuck over – Cenk U.
FACT: If you’re among the people vowing to move to Canada after the election, fine, get the fuck out. We don’t want you. We’ll fix this country without you and you won’t be welcome back – Wes C.
FACT: The establishment has no idea how fucking weak they are – Wes C.
FACT: NAFTA wiped out Mexico’s agriculture industry, which is why there was such a surge in immigration to America starting in the 1990s – Wes C.
FACT: There is no “left” or “right” because in the end we all want the same things; middle class neighborhoods, safe schools, and a job they can be proud of – Wes C.
FACT: People don’t want “job re-training,” they want a fucking job – Steve O.
FACT: “Raising awareness” is a waste of time. People are already aware. Do something about it – CenkU.
FACT: People who say their plan to get money out of politics is to wait for a Supreme Court Justice to die, while we have a Democratic President, which could take ten to fifty more years, are really saying they don’t want to get money out of politics – Cenk U.
FACT: Outside of business, there is a serious lack of mission focus in this country – Wes C.
FACT: People are desperate for courageous leadership – Steve O.
FACT: The entirety of the Obama Administration can be summed up with one of his final quotes, which he gave about the Dakota Access Pipeline protests, “I’m going to let it play out” – Cenk U.
FACT: It is never the fault of the people reporting the crimes; it is the fault of the person that committed the crime – Wes C.
FACT: Barack Obama could solve the Dakota Access Pipeline crisis in thirty minutes in a thousand different ways, but he won’t because he’s not a progressive and he wants to make more money – Wes and Cenk
FACT: If Hillary Clinton really did care about suffering people, now that she has lost she would go to Standing Rock, stand with the protesters, and walk straight up to the police barricade, because there’s no way in Hell they’re going to fire rubber bullets at Hillary Clinton – Wes C.
FACT: It doesn’t take courage to throw a punch; it takes courage to take a punch – Cenk U.
THEORY: The cab driver’s in New York are always from wherever the worst place in the world is to live at that time in history – Wes C.
That’s why in the 1990s it was dudes from the Balkins – Wes C.
THEORY: Someone is getting rich of “job re-training” programs started by the government – Wes C.
THEORY: We must take over the DNC from the local level up, and it could be done in six months – Wes C.
THEORY: Clinton would have won if she showed a single act of courage on any subject – Cenk and Wes
PREDICTION: As terrible as a Trump presidency will be, it will provide a very real, very rare opportunity for us to completely re-write the American politics playbook – Wes C.
PREDICTION: Trump will not approve the TPP – Wes C.
PREDICTION: Trump will approve the TPP – Steve and Cenk
PREDICTION: The Young Turks will be the primary opposition to Trump because everyone else is too scared of him – Cenk and Wes
PREDICTION: Someday, Cenk will explode when someone tries to tell him what he can and cannot say about Hillary Clinton. It will end poorly – Cenk U.
RULE: We must find what Wes’ cool nickname is – Cenk U.
RULE: Be understanding of people who are late for legitimate reasons – Cenk and Ben
RULE: If you wake up early to do work don’t do communication work like e-mails or phone calls, otherwise people will come to expect you to be up at that time – Cenk, Ben, and Wes
RULE: Unsalted butter should not be sold, save for baking – Wes C.
RULE: The whole “don’t interfere; let nature take its course” rule doesn’t apply to animals in zoos. We’ve already interfered; do whatever you can to save the animal – Ben M. (refuted by Cenk and Wes)
RULE: We shouldn’t have zoos – Cenk U. (refuted by Ben)
RULE: You can measure if a celebrity is a good person if they still hang out and spend time with the people they were friends with before becoming really famous – Ben M.
RULE: If you’re wealthy, you must deny your children the benefits of that wealth otherwise they’ll be wrapped into unmotivated monsters – Ben, Cenk, and Wes
RATING: The best nickname yet for Wes is “the cavalry” – Cenk and Ben
“Chief Cavalry Officer,” or CCO, is a great substitute – Ben and Wes
RATING: Parsley is useless at best, burdensome at worst – Cenk U.
RATING: Pacific Dining Car has the best butter and steaks in LA – Wes C.
RATING: A restaurant being open 24/7 year round is enough for it to be saved from disinterest – Cenk U.
RATING: There has been a sea change in vegan food in the past year or so. It’s tolerable to good now – Wes and Ben
RATING: Protesting pony rides because it’s animal cruelty is one of the most Santa Monica things ever – Cenk U.
RATING: Noodling is cool. Cenk would never do it, but those who do it should be respected – Cenk U.
RATING: Black Santa is always cool – Wes C.
RATING: Tom Ford has a great eye – Wes and Ben
RATING: Anthony Kiedis is a great guy – Wes C.
RATING: Most Republican celebrities are dicks – Cenk U.
RATING: Gjelina in Venice, California is the worst restaurant in the world – Wes C.
RATING: Fred Trump just looks like a bad guy – Ben and Cenk
RATING: Donald Trump looks eerily like his mother – Ben, Wes, and Cenk
RATING: Fred Trump looks like a very mean, angry Tom Selleck – CenkU.
RATING: Dogs are literally the greatest animal – Ben and Wes
FACT: Wes is compulsively early – Wes C.
FACT: Unless you’re a multi-millionaire, you know what your salary is. No one makes “$75 or $80 thousand” – Ben M.
FACT: No one has done cocaine “once or twice.” You’ve done it once or you’ve done it more than once – Frank M.
FACT: It would be great if someone paid us to stay at home, fuck each other, and watch TV all day – Wes C.
FACT: No one has ever said at a restaurant “can I get more parsley?” – Ben M.
FACT: There’s a special place in Hell for restaurants that switch to unsalted butter – Cenk U.
FACT: Sunk butter swims sideways – Cenk U.
FACT: Meat production only accounts for 5.6% of the greenhouse gases responsible for climate change – Wes C.
FACT: Things like recycling, eating less meat, and driving your car less actually lull people into a false sense of security about the state of our environment. The biggest factors contributing to climate change, like massive industrial pollution, are far beyond our control – Wes and Cenk
FACT: They are really close to making vegan meat – Ben M.
FACT: The cows that never saw it coming make for the best steaks – Cenk U.
“Don’t worry, they never saw it coming” is the best slogan for a steak house ever – Cenk U.
FACT: There are no bears that have ever gone to the moon (that we know of) – Wes C.
FACT: Everyone understands the Old School Rule “if two celebrities are in a room it is incumbent upon whoever is more famous to introduce themself first.” It has been tested and proven – Cenk U.
FACT: Fred Trump was a racist monster. We’re not even having a discussion about that any more – Cenk U.
FACT: Donald Trump never learned business. He was always incompetent and his father was ashamed of him. That’s why Trump hates thinking about himself, and why above all else Trump hates being called a loser – Cenk U.
FACT: One of Wes’ nostrils is twice the size of the other – Wes C.
THEORY: Musicians that turn to acting are huge dicks because they’re so accustomed to being treated so well – Cenk U.
THEORY: People who grew up in Hollywood families or were child actors are usually much nicer to everyone else because they see acting as just a job and celebrity doesn’t make someone a different person – Wes C.
THEORY: You can tell on face alone that Fred Trump was a sexual sadist that enjoyed spanking people and sticking his finger in people’s ass – Wes C.
THEORY: You can tell on face alone that Donald Trump’s mother is a person that has suffered extensively in her life – Wes and Cenk
THEORY: The abuse Donald Trump must have suffered at the hands of his father is almost enough to get you to feel sorry for him – Cenk U.
THEORY: William Weld should have been at the top of the Libertarian ticket in 2016. They’d have done much better – Ben M.
PREDICTION: Donald Trump will be completely blown out of the water electorally in one of the worst Presidential defeats in US history – Wes C. (refuted by Cenk)
PREDICTION: Clinton will win, but barely – Cenk U. (refuted by Ben and Wes)
PREDICTION: On election night what the polls predict will happen will more or less happen – Ben M.
This is the most outrageous statement ever made on TYT – Cenk U.
PREDICTION: Trump will win Ohio – Cenk U. (refuted by Ben and Wes). Cenk and Wes have a $20 bet on this
PREDICTION: Trump will win Florida – Cenk U. (refuted by Ben and Wes)
PREDICTION: Clinton will win Pennsylvania, Colorado, and Virginia, and those three states will win her the election – Cenk U.
PREDICTION: Clinton can win comfortably if she also wins North Carolina and Nevada in addition to the above three, but it cannot be a landslide if she loses Ohio or Florida – Cenk U.
PREDICTION: Pennsylvania is the most important state in the 2016 Presidential election. The entire world will breath a sigh of relief when it goes to Clinton. It is the state she needs to win wherein her lead is the smallest – Ben M.
PREDICTION: If Clinton wins Pennsylvania, she will also win Virginia and Colorado – Ben M.
PREDICTION: If Clinton wins New Hampshire by fourteen, then it’s already over, it’s going to be a landslide Clinton victory – Ben M.
PREDICTION: If Clinton wins New Hampshire by only six, the whole world tenses up – Cenk U.
RULE: Ben needs to try and get in on this TYT Interviews thing – Ben M.
RULE: TYT should put up the original Dick Morris interview to compare with the new one – Ben M.
RULE: You can’t un-hug someone. If they hug you, you have to hug back – Cenk U.
RULE: Don’t bet against good coaches under any circumstances – Cenk U.
RULE: Stop vocal frying. It’s when you make your voice sound like a groaning crackle for emphasis – Ben M.
RULE: No matter what you sound like, your voice is fine. There’s no need to alter your voice unless you have such a thick accent people in the place you live struggle to understand you and you want to change it – Ben M.
RULE: All weddings should be Armenian weddings – Cenk U.
RULE: Appetizers at a wedding should be constant, unlimited, served at the table instead of a buffet, and already on the table upon the arrival of guests – Cenk U.
RULE: Don’t rush the food at a large festivity; casually bring out more food when it’s ready – Cenk U.
RULE: Alcohol and shot glasses should already be on each table upon arriving at a wedding – Cenk U.
RULE: Americans can’t not know the chicken dance – Cenk U.
RULE: All fun dance rituals are allowed at weddings, but not necessary – Cenk U.
RULE: Showering the bride and room with money is always allowed, but not necessary, and you know whoever’s job it is to pick up the money will be keeping at least $40 – Cenk and Ben
RULE: Armenian music isn’t require at weddings, but strongly suggested – Cenk U.
RATING: Traditional Armenian music is the perfect balance of Middle Eastern, Russian, and Jewish music – Cenk U.
RULE: All events should be Armenian style with perpetual appetizers and drinks, served on the table and already present upon guests arriving – Cenk U.
RULE: If you have a paragraph tattoo, you are not allowed to get annoyed when people try to read it – Cenk U.
RULE: A nickname can’t be a sentence. It has to be part of the name – Ben M.
Except in wrestling because it’s already fake – Ben M.
RULE: For your nickname to be cool it must be useable in a greeting – Cenk and Ben
RULE: The Clinton campaign must stop with the canned lines. It’s unbearably disingenuous – Cenk and Ben
RULE: If you’re doing anything political, from attending Congressional sessions to collecting signatures on a petition, dress up – Cenk and Ben
RATING: Dick Morris is the second most braggadocios and narcissistic person on the planet, behind only Donald Trump – Ben M.
RATING: “There’s a lot of ways to skin a cat” is a much worse saying than “splitting the baby,” but they’re both horrendous sayings – Ben and Cenk
RATING: Eli Manning is more famous than Rich Gannon – Ben and Cenk
RATING: Eli Manning is a confounding professional athlete. We don’t know if he’s good or not even though he’s been in the league for twelve years – Ben M.
RATING: Kevin Harlan is a fantastic sportscaster – Ben M.
RATING: The Patriot’s last nine years may be the greatest victory streak in football history – Ben M.
RATING: The Magnificent Seven isn’t that good of a movie. It’s not bad, but it’s not good – Ben M. (refuted by Cenk)
RATING: Denzel Washington is great when his characters aren’t dependent upon him being black, but he also makes for fantastic “black” characters – Ben M.
RATING: The Doctors in the emergency helicopters are badasses – Cenk U.
RATING: “Ben Mankiewicz, The Known Jew” is a good nickname – Cenk U.
RATING: Tim Kaine is the awkward dad of politics – Cenk U.
Joe Biden is the fun, loveable grandpa of politics – Me
RATING: Mike Pence is more polished than Tim Kaine, but he’s a serial liar and batshit crazy – Ben M.
RATING: Kevin Harland would be a fantastic debate moderator – Cenk U.
FACT: Time is a beast – Ben M.
FACT: Dick Morris is largely the creator of the triangulation political strategy, wherein you say “I’m somewhere between the Republicans and Democrats.” – Cenk U.
FACT: The biggest weakness of political triangulation is you don’t stand up for your own side, undermining the whole strategy and defeating the purpose of “winning” – Cenk U.
FACT: Dick Morris was one of the first “mainstream” guys to repeat crazy nonsense lies about Hillary Clinton – Ben M.
FACT: Running up a deficit is not a real problem in modern society – Ben M.
FACT: No one wants to buy anything Eli Manning is selling – Cenk U.
FACT: Haas knows nepotism when he sees it – Cenk U.
FACT: Good nicknames, by definition, make you cooler – Cenk U.
FACT: It’s impossible to overuse the nickname “The Rock.” It is by definition a cool name – Cenk U.
FACT: Used to, it was impossible to be cool and to be in the “bicycle club” – Cenk U.
FACT: Cenk’s nickname, as recorded in the Washington D.C. police records, is officially El Hefe – Cenk U.
FACT: One of the few good things about the Clinton campaign is that they do their homework and know how to do a political hit job – Cenk U.
FACT: It’s outrageous that the right-wing commentary channel on Sirius radio is called The Patriots – Ben M.
THEORY: Dick Morris is no longer on FOX because he’s turned oddly anti-establishment that in some ways is the correct direction to go in, which FOX can’t have – Cenk U.
THEORY: Dick Morris was fired because of his horrible predictions of the 2012 election – Ben M.